I surprised the heck out of myself last night. I went from super thrilled awesome New Year’s Eve attitude to seriously deflated and all of a sudden not hungry in an instant. In hindsight, it was kinda silly, but it had to come from somewhere. But where?? I’ll explain…
Ron & I decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home, and we had a fantastic time! There was wine, grapes, crackers, cheese, lots of chatting and playing and it was really an overall delicious evening. There was no stress, no worries, just a grand ole time with each other and looking forward to the new year. We had the Times Square event streaming on Ron’s computer so we could watch. We were being ‘bad’ eating ice cream and were just hanging out. LOW KEY, ahhhh.
When the final minute countdown came on the computer, Ron turned it off. Huh? Turns out he was trying to make the screen bigger, but the result was that he turned the screen off. With less than a minute to go until 2012. He got it back on eventually, but it didn’t really matter at that point. He turned it off right before the ball dropped and we missed the event. We did not ‘ring in’ anything.
I was completely deflated. All the happiness I had been feeling went right out the door in an instant. I looked down at the ice cream I was holding and wondered what the hell I was doing with it. Completely lost my appetite and threw the ice cream away. I just felt so sad.
So what’s up with THAT? It was a HUGE energy shift. If you had asked me yesterday if watching the ball drop was a big deal for me I would’ve told you that I liked it but that I could live without. Guess I was wrong about that! So why was there such a huge shift? And what was I going to do about it?
Perhaps wallow, but for what? I didn’t like feeling what I was feeling, and I immediately reached for something to shift my energy back to where it had been. I decided to watch “How I Met Your Mother”. It did help some. But I still couldn’t help feeling this hopeless sad feeling.
Again I ask- WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? My reaction really surprised me. I think the energy of all those people being so happy about this one moment definitely pulls me in, as it clearly does for so many people, and there is something to be said for that. And I had that moment taken away from me at the (almost literally) last possible second. So that sorta shocked my system.
But I wanted to go deeper than that. I had to examine what New Year’s Eve means to me. It means a new beginning. It means a chance to start over. It means, as I mentioned, that all these people are out having a great time and acting crazy which makes me happy. In particular, for 2012 I am looking forward to new beginnings and perhaps an easier road. The evening was off to such a great start which made me feel like the year was off to a great start.
2011 was a rough road. Everything I did felt like it had a block. Moving forward with my business felt like trudging through mud, and as I looked around me throughout the year it seemed that others were skipping happily along forward. I hired a great coach, and even she said about one instance in particular “Wow, I’ve never seen someone have all those technical issues with just this one thing”. Everything was like that. Something that should’ve taken 5 minutes could take an entire day. The simplest thing became the most arduous task. It was really ridiculous. And it wasn’t just with work. It was my personal life, too.
Most of 2011 was given over to fertility issues. (There, I said it.) This was the reason I made so many health changes (and yes, they did make a difference, but that’s another story). I didn’t get to travel or do any fit ventures. I did get to miss a bunch of work and shoot myself up with all sorts of drugs and go to the doctor every other day to be poked and prodded and get more needles stuck in me. Meanwhile, other people have sex, get pregnant and pop out babies. Say wha? How do they DO that?!??
Point is- everything in 2011 that people think of as seemingly effortless was for me, to say the least, NOT!!! I had high hopes for 2012.
So, what would YOU think? You’re being optimistic about a new year and new beginnings. And you’re safe and warm at home with someone you love watching the ball drop. And you can’t even get THAT right. HA! It’s kind of funny actually, right!?
In short (haha- in ‘long’ really), the reason I got so upset I realized is because of this last statement. I can’t even do something simple like watch the ball drop on NYE without getting it screwed up. So that represented to me what 2012 is going to be like.
You’ve gotten this far- don’t stop reading now. The lesson that I’ve taken from my experience is that New Year’s Eve isn’t the only new beginning. EVERY DAY is a new beginning. EVERY MOMENT you can choose to stay on the path you are on or shift to a different one. New Year’s Eve just happens to bring more people’s awareness to this fact, but they lose momentum soon afterwards (You know, with those New Year’s Resolutions that last maybe til February…).
But you can change your path in any moment that you choose. I choose to shift my path now. I choose to have a more fluid year in 2012. I will make choices every day that keep me steady on this path. I choose to focus on the positive, because there is a lot of it. If the negative stuff happens, I will find something to learn from it and move on. I choose to nurture my relationships more. I choose to continue to do what I love and am so fortunate that I can. I choose to notice when I get off track and put myself back on. Just like I did today. Which sets a fanTAStic precedent for the rest of the year 🙂
And, it’s already working! Just today we shot a ‘flexibility stretch’ video for my new program. The weather was perfect, the shoot was done in one take and it all FLOWED PERFECTLY… It’s going to be an awesome year!!
Happy New Year! I wish you a fluid, super wonderful 2012!!
Your Fitness Coach,