I’m kicking off here where I left off after the last post.
If you would like to catch up, please go to:
http://mirzukfitness.com/blog/ and click on the post
We left off where, in August of 2009,
I had to move out of my apt and rent it out in order to pay
off the failed IUI cycle. THAT was frustrating! Felt like wasted
money and energy, and I felt cheated and like something was
wrong with me.
But, as mentioned, it turned out that
I totally enjoyed living with my friends in a dorm like
situation, which was a very pleasant surprise. I paid off
the cycle by November, and moved back into my own apt.
Another important chapter of my life started at this time.
In September of 2009, I started working for Equinox Fitness
Clubs in NYC, which is another story all on its own,
but it does tie in here in a later ‘phase’.
And the most important piece of this story is that Ron & I
were able to further develop our relationship. We talked about having
children and why it seemed unlikely that it would happen on our
own. We talked about IVF (in vetro fertilization), since it
seemed that doing more IUI cycles was wasting time at this point.
We were very open in our communication with our thoughts
and feelings with each other, which I believe is key in any
He said he was open to the idea of IVF, but I hesitated. The failed
IUI cycle really kicked my ass and I was completely destroyed
by it. I needed time to bounce back, and time was something I
did not have.
I think this is common among women with infertility issues,
feeling beat up and drained by the IUI and the IVF cycles. It’s a lot,
physically, mentally and emotionally. And that’s an understatement!
I also think you have to respect where your energy is at. Force negates
the outcome, so relaxing into something is always a better option.
Even if you don’t have ‘time’, you’ve got to focus on you. Take care of
you and your body and you will know when you’re ready to try again, if
you even are. You may find that you change your mind. It’s important to
be open to where you are at and pay attention to yourself. Sometimes
people stick with a ‘goal’ just because it was a goal before and they feel
it’s something they must conquer.
You have to keep revisiting your goals and see if you
really honestly still want them or not.
Anyway, I was not ready to do any sort of cycle with any
reproductive doctor anywhere. Having children stayed in the
forefront of my mind, but I relaxed and paid attention to life as
it was happening NOW.
In December of 2009, I went to Virginia to be with my family for
Christmas, like I always have. I knew I was due for my period, (I know-
TMI! But it’s all part of this process…) and was starting to cramp up.
Ladies, you know that feeling. Those funky cramps, and you know you’ve
got maybe 24 hours. I figured when, day after day of my vacation it still didn’t
come, that it had something to do with all the drugs I had taken for the IUI
cycle (hello- back in April?) and I really didn’t think about it much, which in
retrospect is kind of funny. But seriously, I really didn’t think about it. I
was enjoying time with my family. Except I LOVE coffee and I was getting
nauseous from it! So that struck me as a bit odd. Brain not going there.
And then one day we were all in the car driving to my sisters house. Ron
called and asked me if I had gotten my period yet. I told him no, and he said,
“You know you were scheduled to get it on the 18th”. This was the first time
I felt that flutter of butterflies in my gut. Maybe I’m pregnant??? (DUH!)
It was like my brain was afraid to think it until someone shoved it in my face.
I had gotten my hopes up before. Had other symptoms of pregnancy and been
a week late after the IUI cycle, so why would I even GO there?!
Besides all that, how cute is it that he was keeping track of my ‘schedule’???
In any case, gear up for the next part of this journey. I know I am, as this is
the first time I’ve written about any of this and I am reliving it as I type.
Until next week…
Your Fitness Coach,